Modern Seinfeld Plots From Ya Boy Danny

Not too long ago, a parody Twitter account went viral and had us all laughing.

After autocorrect ends a relationship that George couldn't on his own, he embraces it. "I don't know what's best for me, Jerry. It does!"

— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) January 8, 2013

Jerry joins Twitter only to find that a Jerry parody account has 50k followers. It's run by Bania who will stop if Jerry buys him dinner.

— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) December 10, 2012

Lately though, it's gotten a little stale. Here are a few Modern Seinfeld plot lines of my own, in 150 chars or less:

Kramer denounces Cronuts, says they stole his recipe. Morty Seinfeld joins the anti Millennials movement.

Elaine and Sally Weaver argue who is hotter: Aaron Hernandez or the Boston bomber. Kramer starts wearing Google Glass.

Frank Costanza moves to Colorado for legal weed, but mostly to get away from Estella. "I've had enough! Serenity Now, SERENITY NOW!!"

Future Dads: How to Actually Help in the Delivery Room

There is a LOT you can do. The delivery of your child is something that the two of you will do, together, as a family. If you are able to do your part during the delivery, then your partner will love you more than ever because of it.

Inflation Reduction Act

With the passage of the Inflation Reduction Act, the US is poised to be the world leader in fighting climate change.

The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross - Cliff Notes and Book Review

Etymology, sexology, and mycology are brought together in this highly imaginative study of ancient words and their obscured origins. Is there is a hidden connection between the ancient fertility and drug cults of the early bronze age and the origins of Christianity? Is the link codified in the Bible? Is Jesus an allegory for a hypnotic mushroom that mysteriously grows out of the womb of the earth without fertilization, like a virgin, emerging only after receiving life-giving rains from a giant penis in the sky? Is the mushroom the true son of God?

Soma Lore - Musings about the Immortal Mushroom-Sacrament of Antiquity

As we were hiking in the Indian Peaks range of the Colorado mountain last week, we walked right past dozens of these toadstool mushrooms, with only a faint clue of what they were.

Unbeknownst to us, we were hiking among living deities! The nectar of the gods! THE IMMORTAL MUSHROOM-SACRAMENT OF ANTIQUITY! (Writing about mushrooms is awesome because you get to use fun words like hypnotic, sacrament, mushroom-cult, ecstasy, deity, comatose, etc.)